I'm All Weepy Again...

Well she made it. She made it through the first day of Kindergarten. Oh. My. Goodness. It was a bit harder than I thought to walk away from that classroom today. I have walked away from her at preschool many times, and thought this would be similar, but nope. Notsomuch. As I walked away I felt like I was walking away from our old life.

This is the beginning of the years that "speed by at the speed of light" I am told. "Twelve years that are like on big blur ," mom's of recent graduates have told me. I can't handle that. I thought the first five years went by fast.

I think I have decided that if I could take a moment in time and freeze it, so we could stay there forever, it would have been this past summer. The kids were just at a perfect age. They loved each other, played hard, still took a nap, were a bit more independent, helped each other out, they love their mommy...ooops, how did that get in there? I mean they love to learn, they aren't too mouthy...yet, and the little things are big things still. We didn't have to rush off anywhere and we could decide what we wanted to do just on the spur of the moment. It's been pretty close to perfect.

As I walked away from my little girl in her uniform and braids, sitting at her table all by herself, and wishing I would just leave already, I walked away from this time. I won't have it back again. I'm going to wake up tomorrow and she'll be graduating from high school, and I'll be the one that said, "I don't know where the time went! It just zipped past us at the speed of light."

As I tried to get encouragement from my mom today, after I whined pretty much the same thing I just wrote out here, she just said, "Yup, school pretty much ruins everything."

Great.

I have a much better understanding of why more and more parents are homeschooling now. I have never been so close to making the same decision. Then I think back at the homework we had to do this past summer and the reading program The Girl and I did this winter, and after I am done shaking, I realize I just might not be cut out for homeschooling. Plus, The Girl loves school.

As I was dropping her off, and trying not to cry in front of her because I didn't want her to get anxious about the upcoming day, she turned to me and said, "Today is the last day you are walking me in right? I mean tomorrow I get to be dropped off like the big kids, right?"

Wonderful.

She's five and already doesn't want to be seen with me. She's already too independent to have her Old Mom around. That little comment didn't help with the tears situation. Not one bit. I did hold it together until I walked out of the building. I started tearing up again when Pax kept asking for her. I forgot to realize that his best friend was now gone five days a week. I was so wrapped up in her and myself, I forgot about The Little Man. He just wants to know when he gets to play with her if she goes to school, "All da days".

Beyond the whole "Next stage in life" thing, I also realized something else that might drive me nuts for the rest of the year. I have a certain way that I feel like the word "Kindergarten" should be said. I don't know if I am too fond of the term "Kindie" and I definitely can't stand it when people say "Kindygarten".

Clearly, I am all over the place with this transition. So before I get too crazy, I'll just post some pictures of my sweet girl....

In her jumper...She HAD to wear this on the first day.


As she walked away from me...


One last turn around: