Thursday, October 31, 2013

It's Getting Hard to Breathe

"Is it just me, or do you feel like you have an elephant sitting on your chest?" I asked The Hubs, and for once, I was only being slightly dramatic.  I know I've mentioned it a few times, but since school has started for the kids this year, my life has felt a bit chaotic.  We have entered into a new season of life, and I'm feeling stretched way out of my comfort zone.   In fact, I feel like my comfort zone is in an entirely different zip code right now.  The Hubs is affectionately calling this season a "transition period".  That's not dramatic enough for me.  I'm trying hard not to curl up into a ball and refuse to come out until someone promises me a solid week of lounging on the couch in front of the TV.  And just when I thought I couldn't be stretched any farther, or distance myself more from my comfort zone, we are facing another transition. 

Recently, we received news that a house we had put an offer on over the summer, was now very interested in our offer.  They wanted to know if we would like our offer to be considered again.  Um.  We made that offer over the summer because selling a home, moving into a home, and remodeling a home (which this particular home will need) sounds like something that may take a little time.  This past summer, we had time.  Now? Notsomuch.   Oh, and what's that? It's the holiday season, you say?  Well, that just makes things so much more interesting, doesn't it?  Thank you, but I think we'll pass.  

Then we began praying about it.   And talking about it.  And we were up in the middle of the night praying and thinking about it.  You know what I'm hearing?  Sometimes trying to do what's easiest, what makes the most sense, isn't always where Peace is.  Peace is found in one place.   Actually, to be more specific, I'm hearing "Trust in the Lord with all your heart.  Lean not on your own understanding. Acknowledge Him in all your ways, and He will make your paths straight." -Proverbs 3:5-6

So, long story short, we threw a low ball offer (thinking they'd refuse it), expected that the process would take 30-90 days (giving us time to catch our breath),  and hoped something would snag (and we wouldn't have to enter into more chaos).  However, what's actually happened is: They accepted our offer, the bank approved in five days, and they would like us to close in three weeks.  

Deep breath.  

As I lay awake at night asking God if this is really what He is calling us to, there have been many things He's brought to my attention.  First, I'm struggling with leaving this house, as opposed to just moving, more than I think I am.  He's challenging me to really look at why I am holding onto things of this world too tightly.   Yuck.  You know what else I hold onto too tightly? Comfort, ease, and doing things my way (you know, control).  Double yuck.  Guess what? I thought I had worked through all those things three years ago.

When The Hubs first got sick in 2011, I had no control, nothing was easy, and my comfort zone was G-O-N-E, gone.   He's been reminding me of those days to reassure me. While we still struggle with health issues, one thing I have learned is that not one day has been walked alone.  Not one victory has been won in our strength, but with His power in us.   He's been so faithful.  

In comparison, these current struggles, while overwhelming at times, are what The Hubs calls "a cake-walk".  Hmmm. Not sure I would go that far, but The Hubs is right.  Why would I doubt that God would not be my strength, comfort, and peace when that's always been who He is.  He's brought us this far, there's no need to fear that He would leave us now.  

What I'm learning in this current season is that I need God each and every moment of each and every day.  With some exciting but overwhelming circumstances, He has put me in a place where everyday I must surrender my own strength and will for His.  While I might feel like my chest is tightening and it's getting hard to breathe, walking so closely to Him is not such a bad place to be.  

Not bad at all.


Saturday, October 12, 2013

This Week Could Not Have Come Sooner

I'm on the brink. 


I don't think I can remember a time in my life when I've been busier.  Between working part-time as a teacher, a full Fall photo shoot schedule, and two kids who are overly very involved in after school activities, I feel like I'm at a breaking point.  I have never had an issue with driving or being around people all day, but both of these things make me want to crawl into a room, turn off the lights, and sleep. 

In summary:  I'm not handling the busyness well.

However, this week is Fall Break.

When I saw our school schedule for the 2013-2014 school year, I thought it was weird that Fall Break was a week early.  Now, I'm so thankful!

I've been dying to read, clean/organize closets, plan out my science units until Christmas break, and write, write, write.  (Aren't I just a poster child for "cool"?)

Seriously.  There are some things that I have just needed to attend to, and for the life of me, there isn't enough time in the day.

Until now.

I have a sticky note on my computer it reads: Photos, Plan, Closets, Read, WRITE!  Lest, I get sucked into wasting my time on Facebook or other random internet searches, I have this bright yellow sticky to remind me of what I really want to do.

Thankfully, the kids are so excited to just chill as well.  They both are craving some TV time and jammie days.  And, can I just say? That makes my heart swell with love and pride.  My little sweeties!

Yesterday, I had some time to chat with some other parents as I volunteered at the kids' school for The Girl's class program.  I heard about family vacations and all sorts of Fall Break activities people had planned.  Instead of feeling bad that I had nothing planned for the kids or I, all I could think to myself was, "Thank GOODNESS!" 

The only thing I will need to fight against this week is sleeping too much, or sitting in front of the TV for too long.  And in the event that this does happen, I will still consider my Fall Break to be a roaring success.