Monday, November 3, 2008

Are You Ever Too Old to do the "Potty Dance"?

I like to hit up Super T early in the morning if at all possible. There is ample up-front parking, no lines, and usually the shelves have just been freshly stocked. I can zoom in and zoom back out quickly, even if I do meander off course here and there.

This morning while shopping, I realized I had drank too much water and I needed to use the facilities. This isn't something I normally do.

I mean use public facilities, not the other.

So I tried to ignore the urge until I could get home. As I continued to walk along, there came a point in which I realized that the 20 ounce bottle of water was too much to hold onto, and there would be no more waiting. The Little Man and I made it quickly over to the public restrooms. At this point, I should mention, I think I was starting to realize that it may be possible that I was going to have an accident. I kept trying to distract myself with the thought of how clean the bathrooms should be seeing as though we had to be the first people of the day to use them.

The Little Man was giving some resistance to me. He wasn't moving quite as fast as I would have liked him to be, and I didn't want everyone around to see what a hurry I was in. It was starting to turn into quite the predicament as I felt my bladder muscles start to quiver under the pressure.

Finally, inside the restroom. I could just barely shuffle into the restroom and find a stall. Then I realized that I couldn't just leave The Little Man hanging out in the restroom while I was locked into a stall not watching him. I mean, HELLO we are in a public restroom, and he is a boy, and boys like to play. The thought of it all nearly gave me a heart attack. So I tell The Little Man, "Hey bud, come in here with me please. I need to be able to watch you."

He came back with a hefty, "No".

My bladder is about to burst, at this point I am literally sweating.

"Bud, don't argue with me, please come into the restroom with me NOW" I say, trying not to sound too desperate because I can't afford for him to realize he totally has the upper hand at this point.

"No."

"Yes, buddy. You have to come in here right now. You are not allowed to stay out here without a parent", I say as I pull on his arm and drag him into the stall.

As I drag him he whines the whole way, "Mommma! No, I don't have to go. I don't want to go in there with you!"

"Bud, will you hurry up and get in here. Mommy is going to have an accident if you don't help her out right now and get into this stall," I say as I finish pulling him into the stall. He continues to scream that he doesn't have to go, and he doesn't want to go into the potty room. Thankfully, I am stronger than he is so he doesn't have a choice in the matter. At this point I am past sweating, my bladder muscles are doing more than just trembling, and I am totally doing the "potty dance".

As a grown woman.

In a public restroom.

This is exactly how I envisioned myself, when I was a child, as an adult.

I quickly turn around and try to get my purse straps onto the hook thing on the inside of the door. Of course they are tangled, and I can't get them to hook right. Then I fiddle with the lock to make sure we stay nice and private. Trust me, when you are dancing the way I am at this point, you really don't want an audience.

As I turn around while working on my drawstring, I realize that I am going to need to beg from the bottom of my heart for my bladder to hold on for just a few more seconds. The Little Man must have decided that he DID need to go potty after all, and now he is all lined up.

I'm telling you, my bladder deserves an award today. You think it's hard to look at/think of running water when you have to go? Try helping someone actually go.
Sweating, people, I was sweating.

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