I'm not gonna lie, I am not blogging out of guilt today, you know, since it's been a whole WEEK since I have even thought about writing anything down. No, today I am blogging out of pure nervous energy. One day, I will write out of the joy in my heart.
I promise.
Today, however, is just not that day.
Today is the day I sit and wait for a phone call from my doctor after he interprets my results from a blood test taken on Friday. Normally, I probably wouldn't be so nervous, but today is different. Depending on the results of this blood test, I will or will not get to run in a race I have been training for for close to a YEAR. I haven't mentioned this race because, well, I just didn't want to talk about it. I just wanted to train, run my best, then come back to the Ol' Blawg, and THEN tell you all about it, and how wonderful it was.
Back in September, when the media and people in general, were in mass hysterics over the H1N1 Flu and the Seasonal Flu season that was upon us I thought it might be a good idea to get our flu shots done and over with. Regardless of the hysteria this year, we (the kids and I) get our flu shots every year. Since flu season would be in the middle of a lot of training for the upcoming race and also during race time, I thought it would be a good idea to get the shot a bit earlier than normal so I wouldn't have to put off training or possibly miss the race due to being ill. So the kids and I marched off to a flu clinic that The Girl's school held.
(NOTE: The Girl? She HATES needles. So while you are reading what happens next, keep in mind that I was trying, with all my might, to keep her calm and from running away from me and the clinic being held. Therefore, I could not stop what I knew in my head seemed wrong at the time.)
In my attempts to show the kids how flu shots were no big deal, and that there was nothing to be afraid of, I opted to go first. As the nurse wiped down what felt like close to the top of my shoulder, instead of the meaty part of my upper arm, I didn't correct her because The Girl, at that moment, decided to start screaming hysterically. So as the needle went into my arm, and caused a pain like I have never felt before during a shot, instead of turning to the nurse and asking her what the heck she was doing and screaming out in pain myself, I had to turn to The Girl and The Little Man and show them how brave I was and how shots don't hurt at all. See, they had nothing to be afraid of. Meanwhile, I was enduring quite a bit of pain, you know, for a shot.
That pain? It has never ended. Still to this day, January 11th, close to FOUR MONTHS later my shoulder still hurts. I have had to give up some things that I like because of the pain and the decreased range of motion. Things like yoga, lifting weights, and oh, SLEEP. Why didn't I go to the doctor right away? Well, because I thought that there was nothing they could do. I thought that they would just say that sometimes it just takes a while for the soreness to go away from a flu shot. And then after the pain lasted a while longer, I thought they would think I was crazy, and honestly, I thought I was going crazy.
Long story short, after a few doctor visits from a few different doctors, and a MRI, they have found that my bone is inflamed meaning that it is possibly infected. Meaning I may not get to run my race. Bone infections are pretty rare and also pretty serious. Instead of running, I would be at home having IV antibiotic treatments that will last for six weeks.
Can you guess which I would rather?
After training for so long, and doing everything I can to be ready for this race, this is a hard pill to swallow. Of course, my health is my number one priority, but I can't help but think that 1) I feel fine 2) I have been training with this infection for close to four months now and 3) What's six more days? Really? It's been close to four months now. I'm not a doctor, but I would think that six more days wouldn't make too much of a difference especially since the only symptom I have is a sore shoulder.
I hate the way this has consumed my every thought, and how I walk around anxiously awaiting this phone call.
I hate that I have made this race so big.
I guess you can say, I am a bit embarrassed.
I would like to say that I am sitting comfortably and peacefully at rest under the wing of God, trusting Him with all this craziness. However, sometimes things like this reveal to you just what you lack.
***UPDATE***
The doctor called this afternoon (after my last long run before the race), and said my blood looks normal! I have a mix of emotions right now. I am elated I have been cleared to run this race, but I am confused, concerned, and annoyed that now they (the doctors) are not sure what is going on. All they know is that there is an abnormality in my bone that is of concern to them. I will see a bone specialist on Wednesday and hopefully learn more.
I am asking for prayers for the doctors I see on Wednesday. I would like prayer for clarity and understanding as to what is going on. I would also like prayer for complete healing of whatever this is.
If you have made it this far, thanks for reading my ramblings. I realize this is a bit more out of control than normal...
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