It's Getting Hard to Breathe

"Is it just me, or do you feel like you have an elephant sitting on your chest?" I asked The Hubs, and for once, I was only being slightly dramatic.  I know I've mentioned it a few times, but since school has started for the kids this year, my life has felt a bit chaotic.  We have entered into a new season of life, and I'm feeling stretched way out of my comfort zone.   In fact, I feel like my comfort zone is in an entirely different zip code right now.  The Hubs is affectionately calling this season a "transition period".  That's not dramatic enough for me.  I'm trying hard not to curl up into a ball and refuse to come out until someone promises me a solid week of lounging on the couch in front of the TV.  And just when I thought I couldn't be stretched any farther, or distance myself more from my comfort zone, we are facing another transition. 

Recently, we received news that a house we had put an offer on over the summer, was now very interested in our offer.  They wanted to know if we would like our offer to be considered again.  Um.  We made that offer over the summer because selling a home, moving into a home, and remodeling a home (which this particular home will need) sounds like something that may take a little time.  This past summer, we had time.  Now? Notsomuch.   Oh, and what's that? It's the holiday season, you say?  Well, that just makes things so much more interesting, doesn't it?  Thank you, but I think we'll pass.  

Then we began praying about it.   And talking about it.  And we were up in the middle of the night praying and thinking about it.  You know what I'm hearing?  Sometimes trying to do what's easiest, what makes the most sense, isn't always where Peace is.  Peace is found in one place.   Actually, to be more specific, I'm hearing "Trust in the Lord with all your heart.  Lean not on your own understanding. Acknowledge Him in all your ways, and He will make your paths straight." -Proverbs 3:5-6


So, long story short, we threw a low ball offer (thinking they'd refuse it), expected that the process would take 30-90 days (giving us time to catch our breath),  and hoped something would snag (and we wouldn't have to enter into more chaos).  However, what's actually happened is: They accepted our offer, the bank approved in five days, and they would like us to close in three weeks.  

Deep breath.  

As I lay awake at night asking God if this is really what He is calling us to, there have been many things He's brought to my attention.  First, I'm struggling with leaving this house, as opposed to just moving, more than I think I am.  He's challenging me to really look at why I am holding onto things of this world too tightly.   Yuck.  You know what else I hold onto too tightly? Comfort, ease, and doing things my way (you know, control).  Double yuck.  Guess what? I thought I had worked through all those things three years ago.

When The Hubs first got sick in 2011, I had no control, nothing was easy, and my comfort zone was G-O-N-E, gone.   He's been reminding me of those days to reassure me. While we still struggle with health issues, one thing I have learned is that not one day has been walked alone.  Not one victory has been won in our strength, but with His power in us.   He's been so faithful.  

In comparison, these current struggles, while overwhelming at times, are what The Hubs calls "a cake-walk".  Hmmm. Not sure I would go that far, but The Hubs is right.  Why would I doubt that God would not be my strength, comfort, and peace when that's always been who He is.  He's brought us this far, there's no need to fear that He would leave us now.  

What I'm learning in this current season is that I need God each and every moment of each and every day.  With some exciting but overwhelming circumstances, He has put me in a place where everyday I must surrender my own strength and will for His.  While I might feel like my chest is tightening and it's getting hard to breathe, walking so closely to Him is not such a bad place to be.  

Not bad at all.