Thankfulness in All Things

As I wrap up this month of thankfulness, I'm feeling a bit sentimental.  Is that the right word for it?  Nostalgic maybe?  I don't know.  I'm feeling very reflective like I want to look back at how things were, where we've gone, but instead of longing for the way things were, I want to sit in a place of thankfulness for the way things are.

It was about this time, two years ago, that our lives slowly began unraveling.  The Hubs began experiencing some medical issues that, at the time, we were blowing off.  There was always something else to blame the symptoms on.   Too much work, not enough sleep, a stressful work environment, and on and on and on.  By January, the wheels had fallen off the cart, and we were in deep. 

I've already told most of the story last year, so I won't spend time there now.  Instead, I want to work through the other stuff.  The part after the wheels came off.  The part where we started to catch our breath, surveyed the damage, and took steps forward.  Yes, there were some steps back.  There still are.  This is a life long journey, no doubt, but it's the steps forward that I want to sit in.

As I spend the day (and if I'm honest, I've been reflecting on my thankfulness with this situation for a few weeks now) reflecting on what I'm thankful for, I am most thankful for this journey.

Listen, I'm not saying I want this to happen again.  Like we had/are having a grand time.  We didn't/aren't.  I wouldn't wish this on anyone.  However, there is beauty in the ashes, and life in the dust.

I'm thankful for a deepening in faith that I could never have reached without having to trust and follow God with each breath given to me.  I suppose He would have lead me there eventually, but I got a crash course, and am thankful I didn't have to wait my whole life to know Him the way I know Him now. 

I'm so thankful for His faithfulness and love I have experienced as He slowly picked me back up and put me back together again.  I had read about it before, I had heard other people talk about how it had worked in there lives, but now I have experienced it. 

While I spent a long time sad, and yes, angry, at the type of marriage that this illness had left me with, I'm now thankful.  Is my marriage anything like what I imagined or even dare hoped it to be?  No. It's better.  It's stronger, more open, more honest, and more centered on Christ than I ever could have dreamed of.  Which is funny.  There were many times I thought we couldn't make it one more step, let alone a lifetime together.  Now we share a bond.  A bond I share with no other human being.  While the bond may be ugly, He makes all things beautiful.  He has used something that was meant for harm, and brought us goodness. (Gen 50:20).  He has carefully and intentionally re-shaped our hearts for one another in a way that is much deeper and stronger than ever before.

And I can say the same thing for my kids, and their relationship with their father.

And while I'm talking about shaping hearts, I am also thankful for the way He has used this journey to soften our hearts and open our eyes to other people and opportunities we would have surely passed by, otherwise.  I'm so thankful for those people and opportunities.  They are forever imprinted upon my heart. 

While this turn of events in our lives has proven to be more of a life long journey, instead of a slight interruption, I am now excited to see where God will be taking us.  I'm so thankful that I can place all my trust in Him who makes ALL things work together for our good. (Rom 8:28)

A Little Gift to Myself

Tonight, I made the final decision, and made all the arrangements.  I decided to give myself and The Girl a gift. 

A math Tutor.

I always thought I would wait until I no longer understood what the kids were doing in math before I did the whole tutor thing.  But then, the other night when sister's boyfriend came over, I realized there was no need to wait.

And instantly the stress lifted.

I am breathing easier knowing that I don't have to commit  an hour plus, four nights a week, going through her math work with her.  And, on these two nights per week, I am looking forward to: no tears, less frustration, and most importantly MORE LEARNING.

The Girl is looking forward to getting better grades, more consistently, in math.  Also, she thinks this will cut down the amount of time she spends on homework each night.

It's a win win.

And I am thankful.

Where I am Weak He is Strong

Tonight, as I prepare to head over to a local juvenile detention facility, I am reminded of God's faithfulness, and I am thankful.

Every month, on the fourth Wednesday, I head over to this facility and lead a Bible study for the girls that are there.  No, I don't have a heart for teenage girls, let alone juvenile delinquent girls, but He does.  No, I don't relate to or understand their broken lives, but He does.  No, I don't have a natural gift of knowing what the girls need to hear and then delivering that message in gentleness and love.  I don't have to because He does.

I felt God asking me to serve Him about a year and a half ago.  I didn't know how or where or who, but just that I needed to go.  This opportunity came along, so I took it.  As imperfect as it was for me, I took it. 

I'm so thankful for this imperfect opportunity I have each month.  Each time I go over to this jail, not only are my eyes opened to a whole different world than the one I live in, my eyes and heart are open to Him.  He faithfully meets me there each and every month.  He faithfully give me the words to speak, and the love I need to share with these girls each time.  He faithfully shows me that it isn't about me at all.  It's all about Him.  It's His love, His words, and His passion for these girls.  I'm only asked to be obedient to His call.  He does all the rest.

And then in His goodness He somehow sees fit to bless me.

Teaching Bible Study at a juvenile detention facility has blessed me more than I can explain, and I am thankful.

You're Hired!

Today, we had my sister and her boyfriend over for dinner.  While their company was fabulous, I appreciated something else a little more.

See, my sister's boyfriend is a high school math teacher.  So, when The Girl finished her math homework right at the same time as I was preparing dinner, he jumped right in. 

He and The Girl sat down and worked through each problem one by one.  There were no tears, no screaming talking loudly, and there was actually extra learning going on because there was no refusing to listen to old, crazy, mom.  It was amazing.

I am so thankful for the peaceful evening we could all enjoy because of his helping hand.

Oh, and yes, he's hired!

Faithful Father

Today, I sent both of my babies to school with heavy, sad, anxious hearts.  Both had different reasons, however both involved friendships.  My kids are both peacekeepers and people-pleasers.  It's just in their nature.  They want all to be happy around them, even at the expense of themselves.

Knowing they both had issues they needed to face today, we spent some time in prayer the night before.  Prayers for strength and courage. Prayers for changed hearts.  Prayers that somehow, someway, things would be different this time, and prayers that we would be able to visibly see Him at work.

Both kids came home from school yesterday happy.  They both proclaimed that their prayers were answered.  Friendships restored, friendships unaffected, and grace extended.

While the troubles my kids were struggling with were small to me, and in the scope of life, they were big to them.

I'm so thankful for a Father who knows what we need when we need it.  He has no shortage of supply.  Out of His great love for us, He bestows great gifts to us.  Whether our need is big or small, He loves to give, and shows Himself faithful to us and our needs each and everyday. 

I'm so thankful for the way God showed Himself to my kids today.  What a priceless gift!

Laughter

Belly laughs.  There is nothing better.

Almost every Sunday, we watch America's Funniest Home videos together. Today, as we sat and watched, I sat on my computer to catch up with this here blawg-o-mine. 

I had to stop and soak in the belly laughs from the couch across the room.  The kids were dying of laughter as video after video of silly dog tricks, people falling, people hitting their heads, and yes, the infamous crotch shots. 

Today, I'm thankful for laughter.  I love to laugh and completely enjoy taking in other people's joy and laughter as well. 

Especially when it's coming from my sweeties.

Family

Today, we celebrated Thanksgiving. 

Again.

This time the entire fam headed over to my mom's house to celebrate with my side of the family.

We were the last to arrive, and we walked into a home full of 20 people. 

TWENTY.

We were numbers 21-24.

Holy smokes.

It's no secret that I love a more intimate affair.

However,  how special is it that we have so many family members that choose to spend the day together?  Also, my ninety-five year old grandfather was there.  Ninety-five. 

Aunts, uncles, cousins, and even in-laws altogether. 

Laughing, talking, eating, celebrating, encouraging, and loving.

Today, I'm thankful for my extended family.  I am so thankful that we all keep in touch, and we all get along.  These days, that is rare and precious.